The 2-Man Weave

–1–
TheBaron: So the Finals start Thursday, I guess.
29Slim: No they don’t.
B: I’m sorry?
S: There are no Finals this year.
B: Oh, I see what you’re doing. You’ve disowned the Finals.
S: What Finals?
B: I like it. Let’s take a stand.
S: How could we not? David Stern gets exactly what he wants, as does seemingly every national media member in the country, and we’re supposed to be happy about it?
B: Right. I don’t argue that it’s not good for the NBA. This really is the best thing that could happen to the NBA. This Finals will probably get the highest ratings in a decade–the NBA will make loads of cash.
S: I don’t know this Finals of which you speak. Besides, who cares if the NBA makes money?
B: Exactly! I’m a Blazers fan, and a basketball fan. It really makes no difference to me at all if the NBA makes or loses money. I have no crazy fan affiliation with the NBA. It doesn’t own me, I have nothing invested in it. It so happens that a team for which I do have a crazy fan affiliation plays in the NBA.
S: Yes.
B: In fact, I’d even argue that the NBA making boatloads of money is bad for the game. More money is more fame, is more me-first attitude that the NBA is finally beginning to crawl out from under with today’s young stars (Paul, Roy, Wade (of 2 years ago), Oden, etc.).
S: Interesting point. So now that the NBA season is officially over (’cause we said so), we’re going to have to get a bit more creative with what to talk about.
B: I’m not good with creativity.
S: Maybe creative was the wrong word. How about resourceful? Can you handle being resourceful?
B: No. Wait, yes. What?
S: Idiot. Baseball is still in the long, boring regular season, and football isn’t close enough to excite me. And since we will never, ever consider Nascar a sport worthy of conversation, I say we go NBA draft talk.
B: Your resourcefulness astounds me.

–2–
S: Shut up. The Blazers (and probably other teams, but what do I care about them?) start their draft workouts today.
B: Yessir. Your favorite on the list?
S: Russell Westbrook, for sure. You?
B: Probably Westbrook, though I’m not convinced he could be made into an NBA PG. Beyond that, I am convinced that the Blazers will trade the pick, so it doesn’t matter.
S: For who?
B: Dunno, they could either move up if KP falls in love with one particular player, or move out if they package it with a couple pieces for a veteran-ish PG.
S: So there’s no chance at all we pick Westbrook?
B: Not at 13. If KP loves him, we’ll get him. But we’ll move up to do it. That’s how KP rolls.
S: No, this is how KP rolls.
B: You know, there’s really no reason to work out any of these players.
S: Why’s that?
B: Robin Lopez is the clear pick at any number.
S: Definitely. Wait, you mean in the WNBA, right?
B: No. C’mon, Robin Lopez! The best player in the draft!
S: …
B: Fine. Here (via Truehoop). His coach said he’d take Brook and Robin #s 1 and 2 in this draft. You don’t let me have any fun.

–3–
S: The Orlando pre-draft camp numbers are out, and I have one thing to say: they’re all freaks.
B: Yeah?
S: I mean, George Hill? 3% body fat?
B: I’ve seen you with your shirt off (unfortunately), and you probably only have 3% body fat. You’re right. That is freakish. Check out some of the wingspans!
S: A guy named John Riek has a wingspan of 7′9″ and he’s 7′0″ tall! His arms would almost have to drag on the ground!
B: Holy crap! Sasha Kaun’s wingspan is a full 11″ more than his height! Who are these kids?
S: This is really creepy. You know, when I was a kid, I used to think I could play in the NBA if I just worked hard enough.
B: You were wrong.
S: There is no amount of work I could have done, at any point in my life.
B: You were always going to be a 8-5er, my friend.
S: This day suddenly got significantly worse.

–4–
B: Flip’s out. So who would be a good fit in Detroit, and would Flip fit in PHX?
S: Avery Johnson would be perfect for that franchise and its blue-collar, defense-first attitude. He’s a Joe Dumars type guy, too. But ‘Sheed can’t handle discipline.
B: If Detroit falls in love with Avery, though, it could finally be ‘Sheed’s curtain call. After at least a year of hell, that is.
S: True. That would be nice. As far as PHX goes, Flip would be a good coach there. He’s a good offensive coach, not so great on D… he’d be great. But I want Porter in there.
B: I like Terry too much for that. I want him in Detroit. He can actually succeed there.
S: He can’t in PHX?
B: Absolutely not. The Suns have nowhere to go but down over the next two years. They can’t trade Shaq, no one will take him. They could trade Amare, but you’d never get equal value. They can trade Nash (and probably should–he’ll start to decline soon), but then you’re looking at a total rebuilding.
S: They can’t contend again as is? At all?
B: Not a chance, in this west. The west has officially passed them by, unfortunately. The Spurs may be in the same boat, though I give them another year of seriously contending. The Suns will be stuck in the same first-round playoff exit hell that the Blazers were in throughout the mid 90s. No draft picks, no wins, etc. It’s going to be tough, and I don’t want Terry Porter to get blamed for it.
S: Like he did in Milwaukee. You make a good point.
B: Of course I do.
S: Did I ever tell you about the time I followed ‘Sheed home from Applebees’ in Portland?
B: You what?
S: Sorry, little off-topic but I had a flashback. I thought he was gonna kill me that night.
B: He probably would have! In fact, you probably shouldn’t mention much more. I wouldn’t put it past him to hunt you down on his first West-coast road trip of the season.
S: I hadn’t thought about that.
B: It was nice knowing you. The blog was fun while it lasted.

–5–
S: Moving on, we made Truehoop!!!
B: Henry is a saint. The spike in hits this morning has been unbelievable.
S: Even got a comment. An intelligent one. And he called you ignorant!
B: Can’t beat that! May we forever dedicate our newfound stardom to Henry Abbott and the irrefutable truth of his hoops.
S: Moment of silence or something?
B: Sure!