Conversation: How To Root When You Have Nothing Left To Root For
29Slim: So we’ve got a few games down in the final 4 of the NBA. Who ya got?
TheBaron: Can’t I just pretend it’s not going on so I don’t have to make a decision?
S: No.
B: Sure I can! I’m doing it for the presidential race too.
S: That’s very American of you.
B: Thanks.
S: But I want you to make a pick here.
B: You make one.
S: I can’t.
B: Hypocrite.
S: So what do people like us do? We love basketball, so we have to watch. But whatever the outcome, we’re unhappy.
B: Let’s set the ground rules, once and for all. What to do when you can’t root.
S: Okay, so first rule is I can’t root for the Lakers.
B: Obviously. You’re a Blazer fan. No matter what, you can’t root for a rival. Especially one with Kobe.
S: It would be blasphemy against all I consider sacred.
B: Indeed it would.
S: I can’t root for the Spurs. We both agree that Ginobili and Bowen, joined, make up the devil.
B: Keeping with the religious theme, I see. Though I’d contend that they make up only part of the devil. The devil, for our blog, must be like Voltron.
S: Voltron.
B: Ginobili and Bowen make up the feet. Give you one guess who the head and body must be.
S: I’m not sure I like the geekification of this post.
B: Work with me here.
S: Obviously Kobe.
B: So who are the arms?
S: Well, let’s move on and maybe we’ll find ‘em.
B: Ok.
S: I can’t root for Detroit, they’ve got ‘Sheed.
B: Right, so he’s one of the arms?
S: Got to be. So I guess that leaves Boston.
B: WHAT?!?
S: What?
B: You’re going to root for a team that blatantly tanked to try and get Oden. Then, when the basketball gods wouldn’t let it happen, they found a workaround.
S: I’m rewarding ingenuity.
B: You’re rewarding breaking the international unwritten rules of sport–don’t tank.
S: Okay, so who you got?
B: Fine. No Lakers. Been there. No Celtics, ’cause I have a soul.
S: Scoff!
B: I guess it’s Spurs and Pistons for me, probably hoping the Pistons take it?
S: Are you friggin’ kidding me? 2 of your 3 least favorite players of all time are on the Spurs, and you’re rooting for them?
B: Against the Lakers, Bruce Bowen’s dirt is just grit. And Ginobili’s flops are… flair.
S: You’re pathetic.
B: Hey, I hope they lose to the Pistons.
S: Yeah. So you’re rooting for the biggest waste of talent in NBA history.
B: Okay, here’s the real reason I want Spurs-Pistons.
S: Great, here we go.
B: We all know David Stern is dying for a Lakers-Celtics Finals.
S: And?
B: Thanks to a deluge of articles (this being the worst of the bunch), we all know the national media is dying for a Lakers-Celtics Finals.
S: They’re all in NY, LA and Boston. Of course they do.
B: Well I’m stickin’ it to the man.
S: By wanting LA and Boston to lose?
B: LA and Boston losing would stick it to the man, so me wanting to happen is just doing my part.
S: Saving the world, one idiotic rooting interest at a time?
B: Better than voting. I’m just tired of hearing about what a dream matchup LA and Boston would be.
S: It’s all about the history.
B: Screw history! I’m 27 years old! What do I care how many games these two teams have playing on ESPN Classic?
S: C’mon, that’s just ignorant. You have to care about some of the history.
B: First of all, no I don’t. Secondly, I do care. I care to know it. But how does it possibly make a 2008 Lakers-Celtics final any more exciting to know that the two teams used to have a great rivalry? They don’t anymore! It’s only a rivalry to older fans!
S: You’ve thought a great deal about this.
B: Of course I have. It’d be the same principle, albeit to a lesser degree, to hope that when the Blazers finally get to the Finals again that they play the Bulls because Jordan and Drexler used to have some great battles.
S: Man, I’d love to see a Blazers-Bulls Finals.
B: Why?
S: It’d remind me a lot of ‘92.
B: Arse.
S: So what are our rules? How does one root when one has nothing left to root for?
B: Apparently, the only rule is don’t root for the Lakers. After that, all bets are off.
S: Makes sense, because if you don’t have any rooting interest left but are still watching, you’ve got to be a little crazy anyway.
B: Which brings me back to my original plan. I’ll just pretend it’s not going on.
S: So who you voting for for Prez?
B: I have to work.
S: I thought so.
Dear B,
You are ignorant. To dismiss the historical value of Lakers-Celtics is just arsinine. The 60s. The 80s. And now, the 00s. The cycle is a little off, but the two most storied franchises in the history of the league are finally back in contention at the same time. That’s something worth paying attention to. For everyone. Not to mention that 4 of the top 10 players of the same generation all have their personal legacies at stake with this series.
You would do well to respect history now. Especially knowing that the Blazers teams from 77 and 89-90 will be trotted out to be honored in 2-3 years when Roy and Oden start making runs deep into June.
Sincerely,
tim adkins
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:32 amTim-
Great points.
1) I am, indeed, ignorant. I will not argue this point.
2) I am not dismissing the historical value of the “rivalry,” no matter how many arses are involved. History is important to know, regardless of the genre. What I’m dismissing, is the claim that I, personally, need to care strictly because of the history. It truly makes this series no more relevant because decades ago these teams played good games. If I am to watch this series, which I won’t, it will be because of current players and accomplishments. It will have nothing to do with the history. These players are who they are, like Bird and Magic were who they were. This series is no cooler because Bird was good.
3) You make a great point about the legacies depending on this series, and we overlooked it. The difference between you and me is, I’m not a fan of these players. It will make no difference to me if they win–they will be no greater players. Kobe will not suddenly be better than Jordan because he traded one great big man (Shaq) for another one (Gasol) and won a ring with him. Again, the players are who they are. Whether they win a ring or not has no connection with me, personally. In fact, being a Blazer fan, I have something invested in seeing the Lakers lose, and badly. But that’s another story. Which I’ve told many times, probably.
4) Again, I respect history. It just makes the present no more exciting to me. I will love to see those players from 89-90 honored like you say. But that happening will have no effect on my excitement for the Blazers future runs.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 amYouknow, Baron, for an ignorant SOB, you’re pretty damn’d thoughtful and respectful.
But I won’t tell anyone your secret. Especially not anyone named “the internets.”
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:29 pmI appreciate that. Keep it quiet. Except for the ignorant part–it’s far too late for that.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:32 pm