The 2-Man Weave

The 2008 NBA playoffs have me thinking about superheroes for two reasons: (1) Every time Dwight Howard touches the ball someone calls him Superman, and (2) every time-out comes equipped with its very own Ironman commercial. I decided that if Dwight Howard is Superman (sorry Shaq), and Damon Stoudamire is still Mighty Mouse—although not nearly as mighty as he once was, he still has the tattoo and no other little person has come along to dethrone him, so I gotta give it to him—I want to know who is Ironman in the NBA.

As a kid I spent more time watching sports than reading comic books, so I had to use Wiki to really figure out who Ironman is. From my reading I have synthesized three things that an NBA Ironman must be. First, he must be a genius of enormous proportions. We’re talking court IQ like Einstein (was Einstein a baller?). Second, he must be strong as an ox, or at least as durable as one (are oxen durable?). And finally, he must be a good guy (sorry San Antonio, Bruce Bowen has been eliminated by the final qualifier. I realize he may be a saint off the court, but for the purposes of this post we are only addressing on court issues. And on the court you get too much of this.

Who in the NBA meets all three? Do a quick search on the Google and see what you come up with. I got A.I., Mo-Pete, Jason Kidd, Kobe Bryant, Bruce Bowen and a lot of references to AC Green and Cliff Robinson (links for those under the age of 18). Let’s say he has to be current to win the award, so that rules out AC and Uncle Cliffy.

Kobe Bryant is ruled out because, one, his good guy-ness is very debatable and two, he’s a cry baby. A.I. is probably the most durable athlete of the century, but is ruled out for reasons similar to Kobe. Mo-pete? Maybe he has all three, I don’t know, but that is the problem. I don’t know. He hasn’t arrived. He just doesn’t have that superhero x-factor. Jason Kidd might have the IQ (or maybe it’s just court vision) and he may have the durability and toughness, but when the toughness comes out on the wife you start losing the good guy points pretty quick.

Okay, so The Google backfired on me. It doesn’t matter though, I really had my mind made up before I started doing “research.” So, who is this elusive NBA Ironman, this brilliant Ox of a man?

I’m sure we all remember this incident. Nash bloodied and and banged up comes to check on Tony Parker after their collision. Every time I see this picture I am reminded of how much of a sissy Tony is. Eva must like the sensitive type. Back to Ironman.

Think about it. He really has no super physical talents at all. He relies on durability, toughness, intelligence, and his passes can be as deadly as Ironman’s laser beam. Finally, he is probably the nicest guy in the NBA. The Baron has pointed out to me that some morons may argue that Nash is unworthy of such a title based on his rare flopping incidents. I would like those of you who agree to understand that Nash flopping is merely a result of his environment. When you have to play the super-flopper so often I am sure some of his evil South American magic is bound to wind up on your jersey. Regardless, Steve Nash is the NBA Ironman. The evidence is irrefutable and the logic undeniable.

The only question that remains is, if Steve Nash is Ironman who is Robert Horry? Every superhero has an arch-nemesis. Anyone know who Ironman’s nemesis is? Quick, somebody call a geek.