Starting 5–Featuring Youthiness
TheBaron: I’m having trouble waking up this morning. Get me going.
–1–
29Slim: Now, you know how much I hate the Lakers, but Rony Turiaf getting tossed for this?
B: Terrible. If Price doesn’t bleed, that’s not called. So here’s to having thin skin and a sharp temple bone.
S: Pretty sure that’s called a skull.
B: Yeah, but someone with a “sharp skull” would look like this, no?
S: I can’t handle one of your tangents this morning. Let’s move on.
B: Okay, but it would have been a good one.
–2–
B: This is the real item of the day. Watch this video, and ignore the fact that Kobe chalks up his teammates’ good regulation play to him acting as a decoy; ignore the fact that Kobe shows his refusal to make excuses by making excuses; ignore the bizarre clothes with all shades of off-white one could possibly imagine. What I want you to focus on is the little gem that is unearthed when he reaches behind him to fiddle with his radio mic–did you see it?
S: The cell phone?
B: That’s right, his cell phone. On his belt. Fastened by a clip. On his belt.
S: I thought that look was reserved for IT guys and engineers.
B: No offense to IT guys and engineers–it is.
S: Maybe it’s an endorsement thing. “Black Mamba Signature Phone Holster,” or something like that.
B: You should be in marketing.
–3–
S: Let’s throw the Rage in the Cage in here, just for Colin.
B: ‘Cause we’re good buddies with the Herd?
S: I dunno, just found it entertaining.
B: The producers gave him a free ride.
S: Yeah? How so?
B: Are you kidding? After all the trash he was talking, he got to use a pitching machine and all he had to do was make contact, in play, past the pitchers’ mound?
S: Is that all?
B: No! He got to time the pitches! Just watch as many…
S: In Mother Russia, pitches time you!
B: You did this entire item just so you could say that, didn’t you?
S: No comment.
–4–
B: Did Mike D’Antoni really take the Knicks job?
S: Here’s a question: can you name me one team that would be less equipped to run as much as D’Antoni likes to?
B: If the Knicks went up against Cleveland in a contest based on pure athleticism, both would lose. But that’s the point. Every single team in the NBA (really! go one by one!) would be a better fit for D’Antoni than the Knicks.
S: It’s a whole lotta money. Can’t see any other reason why it could have happened.
B: No secret agreement between D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh?
S: What possible selling points are there for the second-worst-run franchise in professional sports?
B: Raiders?
S: Yeah.
B: C’mon, they’re youthy.
S: That video never gets old. Zeke and Starbury were a match made in heaven.
–5–
S: I refuse to submit a 5th item.
B: Making a stand against the man again?
S: I move that we should only have a starting 4 in honor of Kobe not showing up in overtime last night when his teammates needed him.
B: Just ignoring the fact that without him they wouldn’t have come back from a 12-point deficit with 4 minutes left?
S: Yes.
B: The committee has met and your motion was seconded and ratified.
S: Hear! Hear!