Starting 5–Featuring Karl’s Chitlins
29Slim: Alright, let’s do this. Whatdya got?
–1–
TheBaron: Kobe “finally” wins his coveted MVP.
S: I hope it’s made of tin foil. It might last about as long as his good guy act.
–2–
S: Speaking of good guys, you hear the most recent news in the Karl-Malone-has-lots-of-kids-out-of-wedlock-with-underage-women arena?
B: One would think that with his incredible command of the English language he would have higher standards than statutory rape. On a more serious note, though–
S: More serious than statutory rape?
B: Well, more serious than joking about statutory rape, I suppose. How do jazz fans react? I mean, they erected a statue of the guy outside the arena. Obviously it’s to commemorate his on-court heroics and not his off-court character, but still. Most of the fans that attend Jazz games, I would venture to guess, are members of the LDS Church–which has very high standards for off-court behavior.
S: Are you saying they should de-shrine Karl because he’s a jackass?
B: Not necessarily. But will this tarnish his legacy in Utah in any way, or will his behavior be excused simply because he was a great athlete? Just trying to point out that there could be a wide variety of reactions here.
S: Most Americans would crucify a neighbor for the same thing.
B: But Karl’s the man!
S: Exactly.
B: Take a look around the ‘webs on Jazz blogs. You may be surprised at the reaction.
S: (…) No mention at all. From anybody. Interesting response, denial.
–3–
B: Can’t imagine they’re in denial about the Lakers/Jazz free-throw discrepancy.
S: Everything I want to say, Basketbawful already said. And said better:
The Lakers once again feasted at the line last night, getting 43 freethrow attempts compared to only 16 for the Jazz. In two games, L.A. has 89 freethrows and Utah has 46. Now, Lakers apologists are quick to point out that the Jazz led the league this season in fouls per game. This is true: They committed an average of 24 fouls each and every game. However, those same people haven’t really done their research, because the Lakers committed 20.6 fouls per game. For those of you who enjoy simple math, that’s a net difference of 3.4 fouls. So how does that explain a 27-freethrow discrepancy? Especially during a game in which Utah consistently tried to work the ball inside. Trust me, I watched the game. There was plenty of uncalled contact.
–4–
S: Okay, shift gears–let’s run the youtube gauntlet. Delonte West?
B: Absolutely nuts. Guy is certi-frickin-fiable! Either that or he’s got the driest sense of humor I’ve ever heard and is actually the funniest individual the NBA has ever seen. I’m more inclined to believe the former, though I’d like the latter. That is one of the better NBA-related videos I’ve ever seen though.
S: Maybe there should be a Wonderlic test for the NBA. Makes you wonder.
B: Makes you wonder-lic(!!!)
–5–
B: New Portland-area Greg Oden commercial.
S: He is truly a chameleon. And apparently a good negotiator too.
–6th Man–
S: Charles may not be as intelligent as previously thought. Or maybe he’s just more intelligent than he sounds. I’m sure that’s it.
(via: Odenized)
B: But he reads really good. So that’s nice. Furthermore, I’ll see your prompter prank and raise you one Evan Baxter!
S: Well played.